Post-panic

I'm short on time here, but I do feel compelled to write a follow-up to yesterday's panicky post.
First, just writing that post made me feel a little bit better. (Thank you internet.)
Second, it led me to do something else that made me feel a lot better. I finally opened up to my husband that I am having some doubts. That's it. Just doubts.
I'd been afraid to say anything for fear that he would reply, "Well, if you don't want to go then just don't go," to which I would have frostily replied, "I didn't say that I don't want to go; I just said I'm having doubts."
He didn't say that though. (Which just goes to show that it's better to talk to your spouse in person than in your own head.)
He said something like this:
"Try it out. If you don't like it stop. But I want you to try it so you don't have any regrets."
It was a very brief conversation, as are all conversations during dinner with a four-year-old. The entire conversation took place during the brief window between, "I have to pee and I want more milk," and "Mom! I need help!" at which point I ran off to help in the bathroom.
And yet this conversation made me feel much better. And very, very loved.


For the record, it's not the school itself that is worrying me.
Rather, it is the prospect of going to school for three years, which is a massive investment, only to potentially discover that I have chosen the wrong career, again. Shudder.
However, I have to have faith in my ongoing ability to judge this for myself. Studying will help me discern whether, as I believe, I will be good at this and I will enjoy it. It's one thing to read about a topic, or to engage in it for oneself; it is quite another to perform on command. So, we will see.


With that out of the way I have to admit that I am a liiiittle bit nervous about the schoolwork -- I have a lot of software to learn, and I will be jumping into classes alongside students in their third and fourth years of study. I remind myself that I have seven (!) years of post-secondary education, but none of it is relevant, with the possible exception of a half-course on Medieval architecture -- best grade ever; go figure.